How to help someone in an abusive relationship
Updated: Aug 20
Watching someone you care about experience an abusive relationship can leave you feeling worried and unsure of what to do. You may have noticed changes in their behaviour, heard concerning comments, or simply have a feeling that something isn't right. Wanting to help is natural but knowing how to help safely and effectively can be much more difficult and is an important distinction.
Knowing the concerning behaviours of a controlling relationship is a vital first step in helping you support someone in an abusive relationship.
Signs of an abusive relationship to be aware of:
Their partner is constantly insulting or belittling them, calling them names or making them feel worthless.
Their partner is blames them for everything, refusing to take responsibility for their own actions or behaviour.
Their partner is using guilt to manipulate them, saying things like "I can't live without you" to guilt-trip them and make them stay in the relationship.
Their partner is trying to isolate them by criticising their friends and family or discouraging them from spending time with loved ones.
It's important to remember that abusive relationships don't always look the same. However, these signs can indicate that something isn't right.
How you can help:
Stay in touch
Be a safe space to talk openly without judgement. Simply giving someone space to talk, and listening to how they're feeling, can be helpful in itself. If they're not ready to talk yet, let them know that you’re there for them when they are. For further advice on how to start a conversation, click here.
Believe them
Reassure them that you believe what they are telling you. Experiencing abuse can make people doubt themselves so it is important they feel believed when talking about their experience. Creating a non-judgemental space will help them to feel able to talk again in the future
Offer practical steps for safety
Help them to put a safety plan in place
A safety plan can include:
· Learning important numbers or keep a list of them
· Keeping a spare phone hidden (keep it is turned to silent and charged)
· Planning where to go in an emergency – for example, this could be a trusted friend or neighbour, or the police
· Keeping copies of important documents in a safe place only the victim-survivor knows
· Packing a bag with essentials items and storing it in a safe, accessible location outside the home, such as a friend’s house
Look after yourself too
Being there for someone experiencing domestic abuse can be emotionally challenging. Taking time to rest, setting healthy boundaries, and talking about your own feelings can help you continue being there for your loved one in a safe and sustainable way.
Supporting someone in an abusive relationship can feel overwhelming, but your compassion, patience, and willingness to listen can make a meaningful difference. You don't need to have all the answers. By simply offering consistent support and believing them, you can play an important role.
You can seek support for yourself too. You can call our confidential phone line on 0300 140 0061 or speak to us via our online webchat, and we can discuss your situation anonymously and talk through options and support.
